Source: BBC Radio 4 "The Archers" Archers: 2013-04-10 Wednesday http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/archers archers_20130410-1920a.mp3

You are listening to Wednesday's episode of The Archers from BBC Radio 4.

Nice car, Jonathan.

"Jono", please.

Jono.

I thought about picking you up in a ban, but, ...

The sacks of plaster might crust my shoes?

Yeah. You look great, by the way.

Oh, thanks.

So, uh, what do I call you?

Uh,... "Helen" ?

We can't use that on the streets.

No?

No. Everyone uses a nickname ... ... Don't worry. We'll think of something.

 

It isn't too formal, is it?

Let's have a look at you. Nah.

You sure, Vick?

Yeah, you look fine.

Maybe I should ditch the tie.

... nice and cheerly.

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, stop fussing. ... you've been to the WI before.

When I was a  

line

This could be strange, being the only bloke in the audience.

So what. ... No one is expecting you to turn up in drag.

Just as well, we'll clear the ...

 

Wait a second, Colm. Before we go in,...

What?

You are still OK about this?

Of course I am, mom.

You sure?

Yes.

It's going to be very different from talking in schools.

I know.

There could be lots of people here.

I hope so.

Oh, hello.

Hi.

You must be Janis and Colm.

That's right.

Hi.

Hello, I'm Jill Archer.

Nice to meet you, Jill.

I came out to see if ... ... any sign of you. It's easy to miss the hall for the first time.

We were just taking a moment to prepare ourselves.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, no, not at all. We are ready now, aren't we?

I am.

Good. We've got everything set up for your presentation. And you needn't worry. The Ambridge WI's are very friendly bunch.

I'm sure they are.

... little ones.

Colm!

 

Peggy, are these too saved?

I don't think so, not by me.

Vecky, love, here.

... ... row,  perfect.

basket in the aisle.

Yeah. You go in first, Mike.

Yeah. OK.

unusual to have a baby ... evening activities.

Ah, well, Jill suggested it. And she'll be as good as gold. Won't you, darling?

Oh, You made it then.

someone couldn't decide on the jacket, more like.

that's a good spot definitely. She looks very snug in her basket.

She's just had a feed. She'll probably sleep right through.

I hope no one else does.

Oh, no. Peggy, are we expecting Jenny?

Oh, didn't I say there was a clash?

Oh dear.

She and B... are having ... ... ... for supper.

enough

did say something.

Plenty.

I thought Lilian might like to come, but

when I rang

very much under the weather.

What a pity.

go

Is it? Well, we might as well make a start.

Yeah.

Excuse me, excuse me everybody. I think we are ready to begin. We are very lucky to have Janis and Colm Langfield with us, to give an intriguingly titled presentation, "My Son and Me". So, if you'd like to welcome them.

 

Yep. The ten feels better.

Is ... to find out if it's the right weight

going first.

what it says up on the screen.

Jono!

What?

"Helga"!?

Could've been worse.

How?

My great grandmother ... Helen, Everyone called her Nelly!

I've got off lightly then?

Come on, Helen, Stop ... ... those pins.

OK. .......... Oh, no.

Never mind.

That's awful. I told you I haven't done this for ages.

Relax.

I'm so rusty.

You'll soon pick it up again.

Wouldn't bet on it.

So what if you don't? I'm not ... great shape myself.

Honestly?

... Who cares. ... for fun.

I guess I can only improve.

That's better.

Go on.

Much better!

Keep going!

Ho ho ho! Well done!

At least I hit some. How many? ... Oh.

Fantastic!

Three?

In percentage terms, it's an infinite improvement.

 

And here's Colm in his school uniform, taken almost fifteen years ago.

Didn't he look handsome?

Things are far from perfect now, but, as you can imagine, it was even harder then, finding a mainstream primary in South B...shire happy to take a pupil with Downs. But I was determined to do it, for both our sakes, so that Colm wouldn't always be an outsider. And I needed a break. By the time he was five, having him at home all the time was pretty full-on.

I needed a break ... from you.

We had something before start, to begin with. You hated the frist school, didn't you?

It was horrible.

But then we struck lucky. We were offered a place at Beckwell Primary. There were still problems. It struggled to provide the one-to-one support Colm needed. Not surprisingly, they didn't have the budget. But the attitude was so different. Colm was an individual like all the other children, not a case history. You liked Beckwell, didn't you?

It was all right.

I still had my heart in my mouth most nights. If his class teacher was waiting when I came to collect him, I thought "Uh-oh, there's been trouble." Colm had quite a temper then.

Still have.

What did you like best about Beckwell?

Uh, chocolate pudding, ..., and Mrs. Hodges. She was beautiful.

And what didn't you like?

Stupid idiots called me names.

Which happened quite a lot to begin with.

It was all right. And you, you ... more rude words than they did.

Yes. There are a few stories I could tell you about that. But I think we'd better move on to some other things Colm achieved there, starting with a rather unusual painting.

 

There we go. Two lemonades.

Great.

Nachos and dips.

Wow. You've got loads.

... health, I'm afraid, but ... ... buzzing for the next game.

I do allow myself the occasional ...

Yeah. I hope so. Too much to guzzle on me own.

What are the flags?

They are handing them out at the counter. Promotional penants.

Oh yeah?

Bright and sparkling. I've got one for my niece Tara. She's three years old. Addicted to glitter.

Oh.

You can have the other one for your little lad if you like.

Oh.

Henry, isn't it?

Yeah, thanks. Thanks very much. He'll like that.

Chock it away if it doesn't, as soon as you know.

Oh yes.

The second Tara's got ... her head, she shares with everyone.

Henry's exactly the same.

I gave her Teddy Bear jigsaw for her birthday. She took one look, "That's rubbish, uncle Jono" ha ha. "Thanks very much, Tara. "

Henry is the worst at keeping a secret.

Secrets? What are they?

spent an entire hour ... ... granny

tell

start making a birthday card.

Genius!

Isn't it?

So when is your birthday, ...? ... for it?

 

I wasn't sure beforehand if I'd enjoy it.

And have you?

Yes, I have. Colm's got a very mischievous sense of humour.

Hasn't he?

I have to tell Jennifer what she missed. And see if she knows any more about ...

still wondering when she's moving up.

I know she's been looking for work.

She might have found it by now. B... never thinks to find out the important things.

Oh, I thought Suzan was taking care of that.

What's that?

drinks. Will you excuse me for a moment?

Oh yes. We can't leave them thirsty.

Isn't she beautiful?

Oh, we think so, don't we, Mike?

Oh yeah.

Don't ask Colm's opinion. He says all babies are ugly.

They ... ...

Oh, there, there, sweetheart, shhhhh.

Oh, it's the noise and strange people, isn't it?

Janis. Colm. Everyone's saying how much they enjoyed your talk.

Was it all right?

It was super.

We loved it, didn't we, Mike?

It was very good.

In fact, there are one or two things I'd like to ask you ... ... school age.

I might not know the answers, but you are welcome to try.

What about a cup of tea first?

Oh, yes, of course.

I'd love one.

And me

drinks if you like

If take Janis over I can introduce ... ... to Suzan.

Oh. Right.

She's the program secretary?

That's right.

You stay here, Mike.

I'll bring it to you. I won't be a minute.

You are going and all?

Don't worry Mike. I'll look after you.

Oh.

 

Yeah, yeah, but I mean, the point about ... is ... ... back column. Well, eventualy.

Man U are much better.

What about

They are rubbish.

Ha ha! Now that's something we do agree on.

What'd you think, Vicky,

leave them guessing all night?

up to.

Come on, Colm. It's been lovely meeting you and your beautiful daughter.

We had a great evening.

Yeah. It's been really good.

And thanks for your phone number, Janis.

We'll stay in touch.

We will do.

Bye then.

Bye. Bye Colm.

Yeah, Bye, see you.

Come on you lads!

Oh. ... ... the last word, didn't he?

better

She's nodded off again then?

Yeah. She's only had that one little ...

Wasn't she well behaved

Not too bad, was she? And it's only this once, Peggy.

Oh you were quite right to bring her.

worst noise

come

own mother

Mike!

first.

I couldn't possibly comment. Good night, love.

Good night, Peggy.

Yeah, yeah. Bye.

this

Oh, good

Right. I think we are ready.

Sorry ...

you are not. I'm waiting for Robert to collect the screen.

Isn't she a good speaker?

Marvelous.

And the way Colm kept ... ...

Oh yes.

Uh, Jill.

Yes?

I know

usual having a bloke sit

seemed a natural thing to do in this case.

It's got me thinking. If I ... ever ... ... have the confidence Colm has

have the charm, talking to a group like this, ... ... ... be proud of ... So, thanks very much for asking me.